Kiki Says

31
Jul
2019

Second Life Is Just Weird, Man!

Whenever friends and family ask me about where I work and what I do for income, I always pause to brace myself before I tell them.  I know when I tell them that I earn income from (and spend a substantial amount of time in) Second Life, they’re either going to look at me with pure confusion, or they’re going to give me a look that says “You do weird, kinky ish for cash”, before they awkwardly try to find out more about what I actually do.

The overwhelming reactions are either that they have no idea what it is at all, or that they’ve “heard about it” or “seen it on that one crime show”.  If they haven’t heard about it, it’s a fair opportunity to tell them that it’s a virtual world where content creators and creative people can make items and create experiences for other residents of that world to enjoy; a place where you can build almost anything, or be almost anything.  A place where you can find like-minded individuals to share ideas and thoughts with.  A place where you can collaborate!  But, if they have heard about it, it’s almost never good what they’ve heard.  It’s always something along the lines of, “so, there’s basically a bunch of people running around as avatars having virtual sex all the time”?  And then the words “furry”, “yiffing”, “age-play”, “cam girls”, and “escorts” tend to come tumbling out of their mouths at some point during the conversation.  Although those things aren’t all there is to SL, by a long shot, they are there, and they do get talked about an awful lot.

And that’s how we find ourselves teleporting to LAQ and being almost immediately accosted by some wanker who thinks that it’s perfectly okay to just ask any female for sex.  Just a week old, roaming around without an AO, in terrible free skin, and well … in case you aren’t aware of it, males in SL don’t automatically come “equipped”.   That’s an add-on item you’d have to purchase from one of those aforementioned content creators.

So… all right, we’ll accept that plenty of new people are going to come into SL just looking to see what the S(L)ex is all about.  If we’re gonna do that though, I have a few tips.

Tip #1: don’t strike up conversation this way with people you meet in random stores:

sseexx81 Resident: hy
(You): Hi…
sseexx81 Resident: sexy
sseexx81 Resident: i f**k you
sseexx81 Resident: how we sex in this game
(You): Nope, you won’t f**k me!
sseexx81 Resident: why
(You): Because I’m not interested.
sseexx81 Resident: ok
sseexx81 Resident: sorry

I’m going to give this guy credit for at least apologizing for his intrusion into my shopping experience.  That’s like half a point in his favor, but let me assure you he ended up in the negative anyway.

Tip #2:  Read a profile if someone looks interesting.  You might find just from their profile whether or not they’re into random casual s(l)ex with other avatars.  You may also get fair warning that asking them for that sort of a thing will just outright offend them.  Save yourself some choice unkind words.

Tip #3: If you’re going to roam around looking for casual s(l)ex, don’t do it in the nude.  Whether or not you have the right “equipment” for s(l)ex,  this doesn’t make a good first impression, and in some regions, it can get you reported, etc.   (G-Rated regions frown upon the nudity, Moderate or Adult, it’s not report-worthy, but you may still leave people highly unimpressed).

Tip #4: Use the search function in Second Life.   Ctrl+F or look for the search button on your UI.  Probably looks like a magnifying glass.  Go to the places tab, and type “sex” in search.  You’ll find about 80 million results. There’s nothing wrong with sex – virtual or otherwise – but consider the fact that you’re a lot more likely to find someone who shares your interest, whatever that interest might be, if you seek them out in places that they congregate, or look for groups of like-minded people.  Hitting up random people in a shop, or shopping area is only likely to get you muted, or worse.

Tip #5: Second Life has so much more to offer than pixel porn.  Consider looking for something other than “sex” in search.  I mean, there are some imaginative non-sexual role play communities.  There are virtual museums in SL.  There are places where you can learn to create content yourself.  Are you interested in code? Try learning LSL! Are you into racing? Did you want to drive Formula 1 or NASCAR as a kid? Try it out in SL!  Maybe you can’t go surfing in the real world – you can in Second Life! There’s at least 80 million search results that have absolutely nothing to do with s(l)ex.  Maybe you’ll find a new hobby, or maybe you’ll actually make some friends.  And maybe you won’t come off like the dude who lives in mama’s basement and has no life.   Just sayin’.  ♥

And I can hope that one day I can say that I earn my living in Second Life, and not have to brace for impact when I do.

 

23
Jul
2019

Them’s The Breaks

A break.  A heartbreak.  Them’s the breaks.  Or, to catch a break.  To break through.  Break out.

Not so very long ago, I had a break that resulted in me catching a break.  The thing that looked, and felt, so very negative turned out to be a door closing (or slamming in my face) that allowed another one to open.  Something I cared very deeply about, and friendships that I also cared very deeply about, were taken from my hands, but it left them empty to receive something else.

I feel fortunate.  Sometimes we lose things, and we just lose them.  We have to go out and look for something to fill that empty space.  I was incredibly lucky that in my case, wonderful things just fell right into my open hands.

I still lost the friendships… and I’ve never been one to think that any one person can really replace another.  We are not so interchangeable as all that, we humans.  I remain sad about these lost “friends”, but I have also come to realize that people will, when given enough time or opportunity, always show you who they really are.  I’m less saddened now about the loss of the specific people, and more disheartened that they aren’t who I thought they were.

Once upon a time, I used to both breed and sell KittyCatS.  I co-owned a secondary market for KittyCatS, and I hosted auctions there.  I worked hard to build the place up, was constantly thinking about things we could do to make it better, more fun, more inviting.  I poured my heart and my soul (and my L$) into that place, and for two years, prior to having some very serious health concerns, I cared for the place and its renters and patrons quite literally daily.  From the time I woke til the time I went to bed, I was available to our renters and patrons, every single day.  Some of those renters and patrons became true friends, and I feel blessed that some of them still are.

I don’t say this to brag, and I don’t say it to try to imply that my partner, my co-owner, didn’t love the place, or want to see it grow and thrive as much as I did. She invested her time and L$ into the place, as well.  She simply didn’t have as much time that was available to her to focus on the market; she couldn’t be there all the time.  I could, and I was happy to.  And then, my health worsened.  I was put on powerful pain killers that kept me in a dense fog, or out cold all day.  Suddenly, I couldn’t be there all the time, either.

Fortunately for the market, there was someone else who could take care of its daily needs, and the renters and patrons.  This person was a valuable asset to CatTales (the market), an unspeakably valuable one, and I still appreciate everything that she did.  Once upon a time, I thought that she helped out also in part because she was my friend, and she cared about me, but I was mistaken about that; nevertheless, I appreciate all that she did.   When I started to slowly recover, though, and could be online a little bit more, she laid into me and accused me of essentially ignoring CatTales, and only focusing on my personal projects. (CatTales was having a hunt that was organized by this “friend” and manager at that time, but despite asking repeatedly for the hunt object so I could also provide a gift to our renters and patrons, she would not give it to me). She informed me that, despite all the time for two years prior that I’d spent showing that I cared deeply about CatTales, and all the time and L$ I had invested in it, that I needed to “pay my dues”, and then and only then would she reconsider our friendship.

Suffice it to say I was quite hurt, and I no longer wanted her involved in CatTales. I didn’t want her help, I didn’t want her presence, I didn’t want her friendship.  (If your friendship is conditional upon what I do for you, or how well I “perform”, then fuck your friendship, by the way).  I felt it was not unreasonable, since I was starting to recover, and on my way back, to ask that she no longer help with CatTales.  I don’t do well working on something I love with someone who treats me poorly, or with whom I feel uncomfortable.  Since I was the one who had invested half the L$ and all the time in to CatTales with my partner, and who I thought was my friend, I didn’t think that was an unreasonable ask.  I never requested that anyone was banned, I simply no longer wanted them involved in the market that I co-owned.  My partner refused my request, and insisted she wanted the other party to remain, after all, we should both be so grateful.

Gratitude aside, I didn’t deserve to be treated the way that I was.  No one does.  People can not help falling ill, they can not help that sometimes, Real Life has to come ahead of Second Life.  I asked that, at the very least, I not have to interact with this other party, that she not come to my auctions, etc.  She continued to be present.  The environment became one that I could not thrive in, that I never felt was half mine anymore, never felt like I fit into.  Still, for a while, I continued to try.

But then, the questions – the interrogations – began.  Was I really as in poor health as I claimed to be?  How was I paying my hospital bills if I was really that sick? I am a firm believer that people are entitled to share or keep private their personal lives as they see fit, but despite that, I still answered every question… only to have it implied that I was lying. “It just doesn’t make sense”, I was told.  “It doesn’t add up”.   I have to wonder what benefit I was getting out of it, though, if I had been lying.  CatTales most often broke even when it came to rentals, etc.  Sometimes, though, my partner and I had to pay out of pocket to keep it open.  So, if I wasn’t lying so that I could slack off, but still earn money…  what in the world could have been my motivation? I wasn’t accepting money from anyone else at CatTales, or asking for donations.  So, what? What was I gaining? And then came the questions about my loyalty…

At some point, a friend of mine who runs another market had put me into a “staff” or admin role in his market’s group.  I wasn’t aware that it happened,  or I don’t remember being informed. (I might have been told; that’s entirely possible, but I was often still in a fog due to pain killers, even though I was improving).   I was made aware of my role, though, when my partner questioned me about whether I was going to go auction somewhere else, or get involved in a monetary/financial way with another market, or help run another one.   That was never on my agenda, at all, but no matter how I tried to reassure my partner, nothing I said mattered or helped.  My integrity was already in question, after all, since she believed I was lying about my health.

Things eventually came to a head when, one day after what would be my very last auction at CatTales, my partner approached me to ask me what my problem was, and to inform me that I had offended “many” of our patrons at the auction, by making a comment, in jest, about “Wheaton’s Law” (which is, “don’t be a dick”).

I asked my business partner who specifically I had offended, not so that I could cause trouble, but so that I could apologize to them.  She refused to tell me who it was that I had offended, so rather than argue with her about that, I contacted each and every person there, except one (the one person I didn’t want to be there), and simply asked them to please accept my apologies if I had offended or upset them in any way.  Each person I contacted was entirely confused, and assured me that they had had a good time.  When I told my partner this, she implied that some of them were lying, as at least some of them were the very people who had sent her notecards about it.  At this point, I simply gave up.  It had become obvious to me that, as I wasn’t “useful” any more, that I was no longer wanted, and that CatTales was definitely no longer half mine.

I didn’t handle the parting of ways very well; I lashed out at my partner and at the “manager” (to whom I apparently owed such a debt of gratitude that I should have just accepted her bullshit) in our staff Discord.  I’m not proud of the way that I handled that at all, and can admit that I was wrong to lash out in the way that I did.  That said, everyone has a limit, and by that point I’d actually been pushed far beyond mine, and had, for love of the market I helped build, and people I thought were my friends, taken a lot more than I felt I deserved or could tolerate.  I can’t take that back, I can’t undo that, I can’t mend those fences.  But the truth is, where my former partner and the other party are concerned, I don’t even want to.  Them’s the breaks.

I kept mostly quiet about all that happened with my departure from CatTales.  I didn’t want to cause a scene, or make people feel bad that they wanted to continue supporting CatTales, or further upset or hurt anyone.  It’s been a while now, though, and every once in a while rumors reach my ears.  Every once in a while someone asks me what happened. It’s a long story, and pointing them here seems easier than typing it all out each time.  I am sure that I did plenty of things “wrong”, and made a number of mistakes.  I can honestly say, though, that I gave my heart to friends I thought I had, and poured it into CatTales.  I never meant harm to a soul, never asked a soul for anything, and always did my best to be a good partner, and a good friend.  I’ll always be a little bit sad that I felt that none of that counted for anything, in the end.

These days, I no longer auction KittyCatS, or even sell the ones that I personally (still) breed,  and I’m okay with that! I love KittyCatS, and think they are absolutely amazing, and breeding them just for the sake of putting together beautiful trait combinations is enough!  The fact that I no longer wish to participate in the secondary market aspect of it just means that I feel absolutely zero guilt about hoarding every single kitten box that my cats produce.  So for those who have asked me why I no longer auction, and why I no longer sell my cats, there you have it.  I hope this puts your mind at ease about the questions of whether I’ve stopped breeding (I haven’t), or whether I still love KittyCatS (I do).  I want to focus on the things that make me happy, and the things that I enjoy doing, rather than those things which remind me of losses.  I want to focus on the ways in which I am blessed, and the things that I truly should be grateful for.  Oh, and time is a factor these days, too.   I did just land an absolutely awesome job that I love (remote/work-from-home).  It’s nice earning a good income in your pyjamas, but it does keep you busy! ♥

 

 

21
Jul
2019

A Long Day, A Good Day

My Little PilgrimMy goodness, but I’m tired today!

That being said, today was a really good day! I got to hang out with friends, take loads of photos, and even though some of my cats retired, which is always a little sad, it also meant I got to open new boxes!

New boxes that become kittens like the one to the left.

Introducing Pilgrim, with his adorable odd little vampire ears and his lovely Grey Matter eyes.

He just knows he’s cute, can’t you tell?

By the way, that snapshot is entirely unedited, taken directly in SL! How did I do that, you may ask (if you’re familiar with SL’s camera tools, anyway)? Well, I got this awesome little product called the Kari – Komrad HUD.

It’s not exactly a new piece of equipment, I gather, but it was new to me, and I’ve been having a lot of fun with it.

It has several different frame options, including the Polaroid style you see in use on the photo of Pilgrim.  It also features “effects” such as the vignette, or light streaks, or film grain, etc. It’s really a fun and useful little tool, and has inspired me to come up with a neat way to do my preview images for [JNXD.]

Being that I’m absolutely shattered, even though it’s only 6PM, my little old lady butt is off to bed. Tomorrow is a brand new day, and hopefully I will have more chances to explore and work on the landscaping and decor of Catspaw Island.

 

16
Jul
2019

Catspaw Island. Or, My Landlord is the Greatest

Catspaw Island

I’ve been working on terraforming and landscaping my brand new homestead for a  week and a half or so now, and so far, I have to admit to being super pleased with myself.  As you can see, the land is shaped like a cat’s paw.

So, imagine my great joy and happiness when my landlord – excuse me, landlady – told me that I had the option of renaming the region if I was willing to pay the fee to do so!  If you’re not renting with Naked Landlady Rentals, you really don’t know what you’re missing.

I don’t mean any offense or disrespect to the owner of the estate that I rent on, but I have to admit that as much as I wanted the homestead, and as much as I didn’t want to rent with any other land rental company, I really wasn’t a fan of the name of the region.  It conjured absurd images in my mind, absurd and disturbing images.   Today, though, the ticket was put in with Linden Lab, and I anxiously await the official name change to Catspaw Island.

Expect to see a post featuring lots of photos, and a slurl to my KittyCatS area, as soon as the name change is complete!

15
Jul
2019

Fifteen Minus Twelve Seconds Of Fame

Last week, KittyCatS and their community was invited to participate in a filming by Draxtor Despres.  Unfortunately, I missed the opportunity to gather with other members of the community, but nevertheless, I did get to be part of the film!  I’m the blonde with pink tips who kind of looks cranky towards the end… I swear that’s the environment settings.  My avatar is (mostly) happy, honest!

The video is super cute, though, and the song is written and performed by Callie Cline, the Princess of KittyCatS herself. ♥

14
Jul
2019

Punch Me In The Feels, Why Don’tcha?

Didn’t get a lot of chance to explore or do any building today; it was, after all, a work day.  I did, however have something shared with me which I in turn wish to share with you. Be forewarned, though, it will hit you right in the feels.  At least, it did me.

One of the things that I took away from this video was how, sometimes we’re all prone to responding to situations and people because of our own fears, without really understanding the other person’s true intentions.  The way this little scrappy kitten in the video fears the dog when the dog just wants to help the kitten out.

The other thing I took away from this video is just how much we can do, and how much we can help each other out, when we let go of those fears and give each other a chance.

13
Jul
2019

Hello, Again, World!

Right.  So here we are, yet again, with me starting over with a blog.  I honestly resolve to keep it updated each time I restart, but then life tends to happen, and the best laid plans fall by the wayside for the things you don’t expect, but must prioritize.

The plan, this time, as with every other time that I’ve started, and restarted, this blog is to document my daily adventures and experiences in Second Life.  That probably means that I will talk a lot about KittyCatS, with which I am absolutely obsessed and addicted to, and building and creating content for the little shop that I own and operate, called [JNXD.] (pronounced as “jinxed”).  Let’s hope that this time, it works out.

Mind the rubble around the place, as it’s still a little bit under construction.   If something falls on your head, you can’t sue me: you were warned!